I hear people all the time in relationships say “My babe completes me” … “I don’t know where I would be without them.” etc. etc. Let me enlighten you, your babe shouldn’t complete you, you should be whole. And you would be exactly where you are now, with or without them.
I feel that in relationships, the other person shouldn’t complete you, they should be an extension of you. Your other half is someone you should want to share your life with, not make your life. To do that, you have to learn to love yourself.
Too often we forget about what really makes us happy. I know that I lost my way for a while and I’m finally back in a place where I can say “I’m content.” I don’t need to be happy, I don’t need to have a great day everyday, I just need to be content with my decisions knowing that I’m doing the best I can. I am the top person who criticizes myself and puts myself down. I always make comments like “I’m stupid” or “I’m so fat.” Knowing damn well neither of those is true, I need to stop doing that to myself. So I’m not exactly where I want to be weight wise, who cares? I’m far better off than I was a year ago. I don’t make the money I want to be making, who cares? I’m making more than I did at my last job and I am working on getting there. I’m just learning to love myself and love who I am becoming.
Living alone has really caused me to grow up in the past few months I’ve been here. There is no one here to cook me meals, do my laundry, pay the bills, clean the house or make sure I get up for work on time. It’s all my responsibility. The crazy thing…I’m still alive. I haven’t managed to kill myself yet by setting the house on fire. My clothes still fit and they are clean because I do my own laundry. Cooking, not my forte, but I’m learning to get by. I’m even trying new ideas because eventually I want to be able to provide for someone who may not have the opportunities that I have now. When something is dirty, I clean it. When it’s broken, I fix it (well, I try too). It’s just about growing up and knowing that you can’t rely on anyone but yourself to get the job done. Sad reality, but true.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, none of us do. But I do know that I’m living in the moment. I’m focusing on number one right now and learning to spend time with myself. I don’t need to go out partying every night with friends just to prove I’m loved. I am learning to find love on the inside and being okay with who I am. I think I’m doing a pretty good job. I’m learning to not be so hard on myself. Like I said, I’m the worst at that. I constantly compare myself to people my age who are doing better than me and I’m constantly trying to pick myself up by being better than everyone else I know. The thing I’m learning is that the only person I need to be better than, is myself from yesterday. If I am constantly improving, no matter how small, I’m doing a good job.
Start doing things for yourself is what I’m trying to get at here. Treat yourself to a movie, a dinner, a bottle of wine, a weekend alone or anything else. Take time to disconnect with everyone and have some “me time.” You will find how amazingly energized and empowered that makes you. I’m starting to love it. The rest…well that will fall into place when the time is ready.