Down But Never Out

If you were to ask me how to explain the last year and a half of my life, I would tell you it is straight out of a season of “Days Of Our Lives” or some other daytime soap opera. I have been through so many terrible things the last year and a half, I feel like the dark cloud has to be done with me by now. Or on the other hand, if this is the worst that life can throw at me, well then I’m going to win.

To recap the last year and a half, I’ve had:

-2 family members pass away.

-2 cars stolen.

-my first major accident totaling my car.

-2 surgeries: wisdom teeth and emergency appendectomy on my appendix (two days ago).

-mom and dog hospitalized the same week.

That’s pretty bad. It may not sound awful but it takes a toll on you after a while. I’m not out though. Through all of this advisory, I’ve managed to lose 40+ pounds get myself into the best shape of my life. I’m very proud of that. I worked so hard to get my body to a point where I am happy with it. I’ve also had two jobs working the last year and half to get myself on track with what I need to do for me. I am strong and I can’t believe that this dark cloud is still here but I feel like something has got to give and I’m sure it will.

I am looking to move. I think that maybe being in New Jersey for so long is holding me back. I think that maybe I have become too comfortable being here and that I am settling. Well, I don’t settle. I do what is best for me and if that means packing up my stuff and moving across the country, then so be it. In reality, I don’t have anything holding me down here. I’m not married, no kids, no relationship so if I get the opportunity to go, I think I am going to take it. I won’t leave until I get an offer for a better job somewhere but it’s something that would really put my life into perspective.

I’m a little down, I’m not going to lie but I’m not down enough that I won’t get back up. I’m too strong of a person for that and I need to succeed. I’m too invested in my own life not to be. I’m working hard to make some changes and I am just waiting for the payoff to come through and make my next post hopefully a happier one than this one was.

humber-bridge-sunrise-toronto-5003010775 This picture is of the Humber Bridge in Toronto. I love it a lot because it makes me think that no matter what, there will be another sunrise and everything will be alright.

Summer of Me.

When it came to my weight, I always said “by this summer I want to be in shape.” This has been a common expression for about eight years now. Then, summer ends and I tell myself that by next summer, I will have done it. You can see where the pattern is going.

Now, I am not saying that I am exactly where I want to be because I’m not. I do feel great though. I ran a 5k today in 27 minutes. That’s a new record for me. The funny part is that I stopped to walk twice during that time. If I would have just huffed it out, I probably would have done it even quicker. I am proud of that. Little things in life that start making a difference. I am getting there. I see in pictures, even from a few weeks ago, a difference and I just look healthier. Compared to what I used to look like, I feel like a whole new person and don’t even recognize the old me anymore. I’m okay with that though. It’s not just a body transformation; it’s a mind one as well. I like the new me and I like where I am headed.

I’ve decided that since this is the summer of me, I am going to do what I want and not worry about. I am going to Atlantic City this weekend for the 4th of July celebrations. I am going to the Revel pool party and I am going to have fun. I ended up dying my hair to a light brown/dark blonde so it looks like a mix between my regular color and the bleach blonde I had. I think that it is a little darker than what I wanted but I’ll take it for now. I am going to dye it again after I get it cut and see what happens. It’s something I’ve never done before and it’s nice to change it up.

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As for softball, my team didn’t win the championship. We ended up winning the first round of playoffs but we lost in the semi-finals. It was a good time though and I am excited for summer session to start in a few weeks. I also feel much better about it too because since I’ve been lifting at the gym and working out, I am hitting the ball much harder and moving a little bit quicker than I was before. I wasn’t slow by any means but now I’m even faster and I love being the quick one on the team. I also feel bad when I don’t work out. I feel like it’s become part of my everyday routine. Like I said before, a whole new me and I love who I’m becoming.